"I have a great family support system from my husband of 27 years and my six kids. I am a nurse and had to temporarily surrender my nursing license. I am now ready to get it back."

I am 45-year-old woman with 6 kids, I have been married for 27 years. I grew up in a small town in New York State. Although my dad was an alcoholic, I feel I had a fairly normal childhood (thanks to my mom who never used anything). When I was a teenager I did experiment with alcohol and marijuana. In my high school years, I was given a bad joint that was mixed with something (I think angel dust). I had a bad trip and never smoked pot after that. Although I continued to drink it was only on weekends socially although I did get very drunk at times. After my first child I no longer had the same good time due to not wanting to get up to a crying baby, when I had a hangover. So at 21 I no longer used any mind-altering substances. I never even needed Tylenol.

When I was about 35 I started having problems with pain. I had a hysterectomy, had my gallbladder removed, started getting migraines and had many dental problems due to poor prenatal nutrition with my six pregnancies. I was introduced to Tylenol #3 one day while I was in the emergency room for a tooth abscess. I used the pain meds as prescribed and did not think much of it. Then I started to have frequent pain problems. And I am not blaming any doctor, but they started to give me massive amounts of narcotics. Within about a year I began to rely on them for everyday pain, within a another year I started to take them all the time regardless of whether I had pain or not. I was a nurse assistant at the time. I then developed back problems – which just gave me another excuse to get more pain meds. Although I never harmed any patients in the nursing home, I did use at work. I started to call in and lie to my co-workers when they asked me why I looked so tired. Soon I was lying to my husband, which I never did before.

Somehow I was able to get my practical nursing license. I did o.k. the first year. But then, let’s just say I started to get into all kinds of trouble. I lost 5 good nursing jobs, and then I started to work in an area where people did not know me, and did well for six months. I then lost 4 more nursing jobs. So I started working 2 hours from home and stayed with in-laws. I told them I was working there because it paid double than my town (which it did). I then lost 5 more jobs, the longest one was for 10 months. When the last one fired me I finally admitted that I needed help.

They were very understanding and suggested a professional nursing assistance program. At this time I was using at least 30 10mg hydrocodone pills a day along with at least 30 Ultram®. I was sick every time I knew that I had none left. I did not go longer than 12 hours without some kind of narcotic painpill. My husband knew I had a problem, but he never knew how bad it was until after I admitted it. At the height of my addiction he would carry my pills around with him and give them to me as prescribed since I really do have a need for pain relief. He would keep them under my mattress and when he would go to the shower or even the bathroom I would jump up and grab a handful. Once he caught me and I felt terrible, but I continued to do so.

I went to detox the first two times within one month and was put on Suboxone. It worked great. If I had known that there was such a thing, I may have went for help years before. When I got out I asked my primary care physician for help, she told me that I would have to go to my pain specialist. When I went to my pain specialist for help he refused to give me anything for cravings or anxiety so I started to use again. I bought the drugs off the street. Then I went to detox for the third time I was there for four days and decided to go to rehab, this was the smartest decision I ever made. They put me on Suboxone, where I continued throughout my 30-day stay. I went to support group meetings 5 times a week and then 3 days a week. It helped me a lot, but without the Suboxone I don’t think I would have made it.

I have a great family support system from my husband of 27 years and my six kids. I also see my individual counselor every three weeks. I am now ready to taper off I will go very slowly. I am a nurse and had to temporarily surrender my nursing license. I am now ready to get it back. I have learned so many great tools that I know I will be fine. I am actually starting to enjoy life again – which I never thought I would enjoy anything without being high. But it is actually better than any high I ever experienced. I know this sounds corny but I am just so excited about my recovery.