Posted on the NAABT peer support forum:
Posted on: 11/17/2005 15:29:37
To my friends-
Thank you all for your concern! Sorry I haven't posted sooner, but I had a lot to say & needed time to write. Dr. Will’s advice to call Walgreens corp. office was simple but effective. My Suboxone® script was available 4 days earlier than expected. I called Saturday & it was ready. Unfortunately, the co-pay was $50 & I couldn't afford to pick it up till payday, Tuesday the 15th. It’s been a tough week, but what’s a week compared to 8 yrs of hell? What’s a week compared to the rest of your life? Anyway, it’s Thursday afternoon (day 3!) & I feel great!
I picked up the Suboxone at noon on Tuesday. I was close to 24 hrs of detox & was feeling lousy, but in a good mood from the anticipation. I decided to wait till 3pm (24 hrs). Very cold, runny nose, watery eyes, high anxiety. when the cramps kicked in at 2pm I knew it was time. I took the 1st dose (2mg) right at 2. By 2:35 my cramps were gone! At 4pm I still had most other symptoms & took my 2nd dose (look at me! taking meds "as directed"). By 4:40 most symptoms were gone. At 6, I still had some anxiety & took a 3rd dose. In 15 min I felt fantastic!
I'm a 46/yr old, divorced father with custody of my 6/yr daughter & 7/yr son. I have zero support from any extended family. For years I've relied on pills to get me through making dinner, doing dishes, house cleaning, laundry, homework, baths, cub scouts (I’m a den leader!), girl scouts, modeling classes, & all the things that make up a family’s life. The guilt was horrible! Everybody else deals with life & I wasn't able to. I tried everything to stay clean: self help books, meditation, religion, Native American wisdom, positive thinking, vitamin therapy, shamanism, counseling, NA meetings, 1 rehab stay, & the good old stand-by: white knuckle, skin of your teeth, cold turkey! I quit for the 1000th time at the end of September for 1 week, for my daughter’s birthday. I really wanted her to have her father back, clean. God, the shame of relapse! Everyone tells me I’m a great father, how there so lucky to have me. It would make me cringe to here it! If they only knew how sad & pathetic I was without my Vicodin®!
Anyway, Tuesday, for the first time in years, I picked up the kids after work & made dinner, took my daughter to modeling class, finished homework & ran baths, All WITHOUT VICODIN! My energy level was high all evening & not one single craving! NO DEPRESSION! I felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt great all the next day! Normal energy level, good mood, no headache or nausea. I took the kids to a roller skating party in the evening, ALL WITHOUT VICODIN! ALL ON ONE 5MG DOSE OF SUBOXONE AT 8AM! I just can't believe it!
As we all snuggled in a chair reading a bedtime story last night the relief I felt was overwhelming!
"Daddy, what's the matter?"
"Nothing, honey. Daddy’s ok."
"Are you crying?"
"Yeah, just a little."
"Why, daddy? Why are you crying?"
"I'm just so happy!"
"I know. I love you so much"
"I love you to & I’m happy too!"
The fact I can stay "normal" by taking medicine is amazing! Being stable on 5 mgs gives me hope for the future. I don't know if there is a "honeymoon period" with Suboxone, but I plan on being very careful of triggers in the coming weeks.
Anyway, day 3 is going great. I woke up symptom free & feeling fine. I took a 5mg dose at 8am. It’s a cold, cloudy November day here in Detroit, but in my world, the sky never looked so blue! The air never smelled so good! The flowers are blooming! The birds are singing! It's a great day to be alive!
Not only has Suboxone given me another chance at life, it has given my kids their daddy back!
I hope my story motivates ANYONE with a drug problem reading it to seek out a doctor, get on Suboxone & get on living your real life! Don't become discouraged & give up. PUT AS MUCH EFFORT INTO YOUR RECOVERY AS YOU DO INTO FINDING YOUR NEXT FIX!!
I don't know if this post was proper for this forum, but THANK YOU ALL FOR THE THEREPY! I HAD A FEW THINGS TO GET OFF MY CHEST!
I will try to check in on everybody daily, & next time I’ll keep it short & to the point.
with love & compassion to all!
To suppress the debilitating symptoms of cravings and withdrawal, enabling the patient to engage in therapy, counseling and support, so they can implement positive long-term changes in their lives which develops into the new healthy patterns of behavior necessary to achieve sustained addiction remission. - explain -